Abundant and…gentle?

The past few seasons I have felt a word from God impressed on my heart for that season. It hasn’t always been at the start of the year, or even for only a year. I love a good resolution or goal, but it was starting to shift. It felt as if God was giving me more of a theme than a goal and I actually loved it. It was like a weight of expectation and pressure taken off my shoulders. It was life giving and hopeful and full of light. Such a breath of fresh air.

In December 2023, I started to sense God was speaking abundance over my life. It’s a concept I’ve mulled over for a couple years and have seen some breakthrough in. My daughter has special needs and as a mom I sometimes believe the lie that my life doesn’t qualify for abundance. Her needs are pretty high sometimes and they take a lot out of me emotionally, mentally, and physically. I’ve fought to understand what God means when He sent Jesus to give me abundance. I’m starting to get it.

For 2024 I felt God calling me into abundance and for a bit I assumed that meant abundance the way the world teaches. I wondered if God was going to take my business and make it soar. I wondered if I’d fill my calendar with speaking engagements and maybe even get to travel for it. I wondered and dreamed about growing my social media following or podcast listeners or subscribers…my heart and mind got out of control pretty fast. Because God was speaking abundance over me, this is what He meant right?

Pretty quickly in the new year my heart just crashed. Waves of discouragement and disappointment came and were relentless. I shared about it publicly a little, but honestly it was worse than what I shared. I was so low I was trying to figure out how to quit without saying I was quitting. Then God started speaking the word gentle to me. Over and over I kept seeing it. At first I was confused because abundant and gentle do not seem to go together, they almost seem to even contradict.

The more I’ve prayed through it and sought to listen to the Lord the more I’ve realized they most certainly go hand in hand. My inaccurate definition of abundance was leading me down the wrong path. When God graciously gave me the word gentle I could feel my body relax.

We inaccurately define abundance as hustle and progress and pushing past boundaries and having a high capacity. And this does not work for me. Being a ministry wife means I’m often behind the scenes or on the sidelines. Last week alone my husband and I had 3 complaints about us come to our attention. My daughter has mental health challenges and has episodes that mean we have to change the plan and pivot with our time and our energy. My coaching business is still a baby and hasn’t grown into a blooming and thriving part of my life yet. From the world’s perspective and from what I see online, I am disqualified from abundance on so many levels.

But…gentle

This mindset does not line up with a kingdom mindset. God isn’t held back by mental illness or finances. God doesn’t define our identity based on our reputation. The kingdom doesn’t count money or subscribers as success just because those numbers might be big. Those numbers matter because God cares about every detail of our lives, but we need to be careful how we define abundance.

In John 10:10 we have two options. The thief or the good shepherd. I find myself leaning towards the thief and I let him take the good gifts that God has given me. I label the gift of motherhood as hard and holding me back when I should remember that my daughter and her mental illness are a calling from God that He regularly uses for my good, her good, and His glory. I label my coaching business as struggling and not worth it, when I should be calling it growing and even thriving. This business has changed my heart and I coach and share out of the goodness God is doing in my own heart.

What a blessing this additional word has been to me the past few weeks. I have reminded myself to be gentle, not lacking abundance but gentle and abundant.

• I have the wonderful blessing to work for myself…I can be gentle and rest more than I would if I had a full client schedule.
• I get to offer my service at my church as a volunteer..I can be gentle and step back whenever and however I want.
• I live in abundance because every simple and extravagant thing I do to take care of my family, my business, and my church has kingdom impact…there is no such thing as unimportant work in the kingdom.

I’m not sure where you’re at today, but I want to encourage you to be gentle. Be gentle with your timelines…God isn’t confined to time and space. Be gentle with your body…God gave you a good body and it is worth taking care of. Be gentle with your calling…God can and will use you in the good work He created for you to do. You are not falling behind, you are not lacking, and you are seen and loved.